You’re Only Human

I’m busting out of the “curated online mold” for a moment because sometimes we just need to remind each other that none of our lives are as pretty behind the scenes as they often appear to be on the screens. 

As I walked past my child’s room yesterday, it stopped me in my tracks. And the self-berating thoughts of my shortcomings quickly followed.

“You have no control over this home.” 

“You haven’t trained your child to be organized like you should have.”

“You’re dropping the ball in every sense of the word right now.”

“Other moms can keep their homes clean and teach their children to clean their rooms and take responsibility.” 

“This is just a small picture of how much you’re failing as a mom.”

The irony is, I just co-wrote a book about “Grace in motherhood”. Not in the way of excusing every shortcoming as a mom, but learning how to live in the freedom of God’s all-sufficient grace as we realize that the Lord doesn’t expect perfection, but calls us to dependence, repentance, and leaning into his strength and control instead of our own perception of it.

God’s grace in that moment finally pierced my self-berating accusations and I was reminded: I’m human and in the process of sanctification as I seek to raise these sinful, imperfect, “in the process of sanctification” little humans. God has given me circumstances as a mom that demand my attention, carry immense weight, and drain me physically, emotionally, and often spiritually. And he knows that.

I thought back to the day before, when my child lost control and began taking it out on everyone around him. His sickness was flaring and it was hurting the others in our home. As the mom, I carry the brunt. The brunt of his illness, the brunt of my other kids’ hurts and emotions in the process, and the brunt of my son’s shame and grief as he wrestles with an illness he wishes to be free from. And in the process, I had to pour myself out in deep and heavy conversations; I had to adapt my plans to adjust to the challenges; and I had to be willing to just sit and comfort at the cost of other responsibilities falling to the wayside.

The Lord reminded me in that moment that he was asking me to pour myself out as a sacrifice to my children as I mediated, comforted, corrected, and carefully navigated complex challenges. This is the life God has given me as a mom and he knows I can’t do it all. He knows I won’t succeed in teaching my children all that I wish to teach them to the full extent. I want them to grow into responsible, organized, self-controlled, wise, compassionate, courageous, godly adults. But I won’t do that perfectly. And they won’t reach full sanctification by the time they leave this home. I am called to teach and train them toward that end, but ultimately, I will fall short in countless ways because I am not God. It is good and right to strive to teach and train them to be responsible adults, but more than anything, they need to look past me to see their need for a Savior. I will fall short; I will teach them imperfectly; I will see my weaknesses acutely; I will not always respond as I should; and there will be things I look back on and wish I had done differently. But I’m human. I’m flesh. And God knew that before he gave me these kids. 

So as I look at this room that looks like an atomic bomb went off, it doesn’t need to be a source of shame. It’s a reminder that I need a strength, provision, and grace beyond what I have within myself. I am not my children’s Savior, I am instead a conduit of God’s grace to point my children to their true Savior – Jesus Christ. And yes, at times, that may be at the cost of a messy room, saying no to volunteer, forgetting to sign my child’s permission slip, or having to put on a tv show for an hour so that I can catch my breath and find quiet to spend time with the Lord for renewed strength, rest, and wisdom. 

Yes, we are to seek to honor the Lord in all things as we raise our children, but in the end we must remember that he says to us as we are humbled by our weaknesses and shortcomings – “He gives more grace.” 

And in the freedom of that grace, now I need to go tell my sweet child to get himself upstairs to clean his room. 

In Christ,

Sarah Walton

To read more encouragement for yourself or the mom in your life, you can now pre-order Sarah and Linda’s (mother/daughter) forthcoming book, He Gives More Grace: 30 Hope-filled Reflections for the Ups and Downs of Motherhood Through the Years on Amazon or The Good Book Company. And you can find amazing pre-order bonuses HERE!