A Response to comments on Mental Illness From a Family it Has Misjudged

I write this article with an aching heart for countless families who have been affected by mental illness – including the dozens who have reached out to my husband and I in desperate search for help, hope, and community. Several months ago, after hearing comments made by a well-known Christian leader, discussing his view on mental illness (especially in children), I felt compelled to speak up for the many families like ours. This is the primary excerpt that I will be responding to –

“The major noble lie is that there’s such a thing as mental illness. There’s no such thing as PTSD. There’s no such thing as OCD. There’s no such thing as ADHD. Those are noble lies to basically give the excuse, at the end of the day, to medicate people. And Big Pharma is in charge of a lot of that.” He continues, “We’re trying to make clear to parents that behavior is essentially the result of choices that kids make,” he said. “And if you parent them properly, they’ll make the right choices. But if you blame it on something other than their choices and you identify them as having something they can’t do anything about but medicate it, you literally are turning your child into … not only a potential drug addict, but maybe a potential criminal because they never learn how to navigate life in a socially acceptable way.” – J. MacArthur

If that statement left you speechless, or worse, deeply hurt because your life is a testimony to how false and damaging those statements are-I write this for you. And because this was mostly aimed at parents in regard to his new book, I primarily write this to those navigating mental illness in their child. 

I write this for every parent who has watched their child suffer at the hand of mental illness, and been deeply hurt by comments such as these. I write for every parent who lives with the trauma of restraining their child as they lose control of their mind and body for an indefinite amount of time. It’s for the parent who’s sat outside their child’s door while they rage uncontrollably, pleading with the Lord to protect them, their child, and their other children until the episode passes. This is for the parent who’s experienced the agony of walking their child into a psychiatric ward or residential program as a part of their heart is being ripped out of their chest. It’s for every parent who has grown numb to words and actions that most would be horrified by. This is for the parent who’s read every parenting book and tried every technique, sought counsel, prayed countless prayers, and yet still found themselves at a complete loss with the unique challenges of their child. It’s for the parent who has lived with the fear of their loved one giving way to their illness because their mind convinces them that death is a greater comfort than living. It’s for the parent who has done everything they could to help their child, and has now felt shame for resorting to medication because the alternative was losing their child entirely. This is for every parent who has learned to protect other people from the pain they live with because it’s far beyond what most people know how to handle. It’s for the parent who’s felt like a failure because surely if you “train up a child in the way he should go, he will not depart from it” (Prov. 22:6). This is for anyone who has felt deeply hurt by looks of judgment and words like those shared by John MacArthur and many others who have oversimplified, spiritualized, and downplayed such a complex issue. 

But first I want to be clear about something: 

Although John MacArthur’s words initially brought out a righteous anger on behalf of my child and our family who have endured unimaginable things as a result of our child’s mental illness, this is not an attack on him as a person or other aspects of his ministry over the years. He’s had a great impact on the Kingdom in many ways, even if I don’t agree with his stance on all issues. And as many now grieve his death, I want to be clear that this is in response to a particular perspective in the church, not him personally. But we also serve each other well to push back on false theology and damaging words that hurt the body of Christ. And this is one such instance. So I don’t only write this to those who make statements like this out of ignorance (and I genuinely believe, not an intent to harm), I write this to the countless families like ours who have felt shamed, unseen, and hurt by these sweeping statements. 

Of course, the topic of mental illness is a broad one, and far more than what can be covered in a single article. I don’t share this as a trained mental health expert, and I don’t write this with an air that I know all the complexities that come with all forms of neurodivergence. I do, however, want to share how the views expressed are extremely hurtful to families like ours. 

Our Story

I purposely choose to be vague when discussing this topic for the protection of our child. This story is ours in experience, but it’s ultimately his. So for that reason, I’ll only share a high level view of our story.

We still don’t fully know the cause of what brought on our son’s neurological challenges, but they started when he was barely able to crawl. It began as uncontrollable and repetitive behaviors which no discipline, correction, teaching, or reward could impact in the slightest. He had an impulsivity and inability to reason because the world his brain created was often so different from reality. Once he reached the point of no return, there was nothing anyone could do but wait it out. Even our in-home behavioral therapist ended her time working with him after a year because she could see something “off” in his eyes when she’d work with him, and it was clear to her that something was happening in his brain that she couldn’t help. It took years of beating ourselves up and feeling like failures as his parents to finally seek professional help. 

We began as conservative as possible – starting with diet, high-dose nutrients, therapies, and looking for underlying physical causes. But nothing made a difference. Even as a toddler, he would say and do things that no toddler should be capable of. In addition, there was a clear spiritual battle being waged over him as the enemy took advantage of his mind’s weaknesses. No, he wasn’t “possessed”, as was suggested to us several times, but it was clear that the enemy was seeking to kill and destroy by piggybacking on his illness and whispering countless lies. “It’s your fault that you’re like this. Your actions are all because you’re just a bad person who does bad things. You only cause harm. You’re just a bad kid who doesn’t want to do the right thing. Therefore, you’re a failure, a shame, unlovable, and have no real purpose in life.” We had to combat the lies he was hearing every single day, and it was clear that they were straight from the enemy. Instead, our son needed to know he was still loved and this wasn’t his identity. We would have slowly destroyed him if we had continued to communicate that this was his fault alone and all his challenges were in his power to control. He was already convinced he was unlovable by God, us, and the world around him. He didn’t need us to add more weight to what was already crushing him. Therefore, we did the best we could to not dismiss the concept of sin and being held accountable, but also assure him that he wasn’t just sinning – he was suffering. 

Never-the-less, his illness impacted every part of life. Anything could trigger him, leading to hours of violent episodes that were scary to say the least. He would often writhe and scream in pain, saying his body and brain hurt as these episodes tormented him. We walked on eggshells in our own home and I will be forever left with memories that I wouldn’t wish on any parent. 

I assure you, as a parent of four children, it was clear his struggles were unique. After years of us thinking we could “train him into obedience”, we finally had to accept that in these moments, our sweet, smart little boy was no longer controlling his words or actions. His illness had hijacked his mind and body, his eyes looked empty, and there was nothing that could be done but to endure it while trying to protect everyone involved until it was over. But what broke my heart the most was when he’d finally collapse onto the floor with sweat beads and exhaustion from fighting, screaming, and writhing for hours, and he’d start to weep uncontrollably. As a 4 year old, 8 year old, 12 year old – he would weep with tears of desperation and agony. And through his weeping, he would always cry out, “Why won’t God change me? Why did God make me like this? Why won’t he heal me? I don’t want to be like this. I don’t want to hurt myself and other people. I hate myself and don’t know what point there is to my life if this is who I am.”

Only by the grace of God could we hold him with exhausted bodies and broken hearts and tell him that we still loved him and would never stop fighting for him. And by God’s grace, he would bring the gospel to our lips, for we had no other “answers”. We had seen enough doctors, enough pastors, and enough specialists. We’d prayed countless prayers for him and over him. And there was no change. The gospel was the only hope we could fall back on, so whether he seemed to be listening or not, we’d tell him the hope of Jesus and eternal life.

Eventually, once he’d recovered, he’d go on with life as if nothing had happened – and we did our best to do the same. Over time, we learned that during these episodes, his short-term memory would often shut off, leaving him with very little recollection of what had actually happened. This was confirmed with a brain scan that showed his central cortex was “on fire” and in a heightened “fight or flight” mode, even while laying with his eyes closed. In addition, his neurotransmitter activity was off the charts. 

In other words, his brain was always telling him he was in danger, and everyone and everything was a threat – even things we would perceive as positive or neutral. 

Without going into the layered and lengthy journey we’ve been on, several neuropsych tests, brain scans, and various doctors have offered multiple diagnoses. But no one could give us the why or what to do about it. Could it be the result of an infection in the brain? Could it be from when he was severely ill as a seven week old? Could it be something unexplainable all together? We still don’t know. But what we do know is that it has deeply impacted every aspect of his life, our life, and the lives of his siblings.

Over the years, it also became clear that the enemy was taking advantage of our son’s illness every chance he could. The spiritual battle being waged was evident through the words coming out of his mouth, the darkness over him, and the lies he was hearing in his head. 

For a decade, we prayed for him, with him (often as he screamed in our faces), and over him. We prayed that God would show himself greater than his illness and give our son a hope and future, however that may look. 

One night around his tenth birthday, after a lengthy episode, he collapsed on the floor and began to sob as he often did. Once again, I shared with him the hope of the gospel because I had no other hope to give him. But that night, he cried out, “I want that! I want that! I need God to save me from myself!” And he prayed a prayer of faith through tears. Honestly, deep down, I didn’t know if he had the capacity to truly understand the gospel and, if he did, how we’d know if he had the Spirit in him with an illness that caused him to have such “ungodly” behaviors. But by God’s grace, he made it clear. From that day on, the worst of his dark and disturbing language subsided. His words about “being like Satan because Satan hurts people like I do” were never spoken again. He began to journal beautiful prayers – prayers of desperation but also prayers of gratitude for God saving him. He showed a love we had never seen from him before. And without a doubt, the darkness over him had lifted. 

But his illness didn’t end. He struggled in the very same ways, just with less “darkness” overshadowing it. We still had to face the excruciating moments of walking him into a pediatric psych ward and dropping him off at a residential program for an indefinite amount of months. 

God chose not to heal his mind, but instead healed his soul. The Lord had truly shown himself greater. 

I share this because the truth is, at times, some mental illnesses can trigger difficult behaviors that make it hard to discern between conscious sin and the complexities of the mind. Severe depression and debilitating anxiety can appear like a lack of trusting God. And for some, like our son, it can even appear as if someone is being controlled by demonic forces. But our family has had first hand experience of seeing our child continue to battle a severe mental illness, yet be spiritually healed. His illness is just that – an illness that has impacted his brain. And for now, God has called him to endure the difficulties of his mind, knowing that one day he will finally be made whole. 

Until then, God has led us through the wisdom of others to try medication. Once we found the right one, it enabled our son to function (at least to a helpful degree). That medication was not a copout or an excuse to avoid dealing with sin. It was a tool God used to save his physical life and enable him to see his many strengths and qualities that his illness had stifled. He may always struggle to an extent, but our sweet boy is a walking example of God’s redeeming work in the darkest places. We rob God of glory when we dismiss his illness all-together. 

We Only Know What We Know

If we’re honest with ourselves, we’re all ignorant to certain aspects of life, depending on what we have or haven’t experienced. Although I once assumed the tantrum-throwing child in the grocery store needed better parenting, I’m now compelled to go up to that parent to offer encouragement, not knowing what might be going on behind the scenes.

My point is this: if we’ve never experienced mental illness or walked closely with another who has, we often have no framework for it. And if we’re honest – it makes us uncomfortable. Therefore, we attempt to fit others’ experiences into a framework that makes sense to us. For example, sometimes I’d try to share a glimpse of the extreme challenges we were facing with our child, and I would often hear comments such as, “Oh, I totally get it. I had a strong-willed child too. It’ll get better once he grows out of this stage.” As soon as I heard those words, I knew this person had no understanding of how our child (and family) were suffering things far beyond a “strong-willed” child. I’m sure they weren’t intending to dismiss my pain, they were simply filtering my words through their experience. But the reality was, our child didn’t just have behavior problems that needed more discipline or maturity, he needed help beyond what we, pastors, behavioral therapists, Christian counselors, and dozens of doctors were struggling to give. 

And I know we aren’t alone. Since we’ve opened up about our story in limited amounts, we’ve had dozens of families reach out. Almost every single one of them has expressed feeling shamed and misunderstood by many in the church, alone and afraid to share their struggle for the protection of their child and family, and barely surviving things that most can’t even fathom. 

Therefore, I hope the remainder of this article will not only encourage those hurting families, but also challenge those questioning mental illness to consider another perspective – one from someone who has actually lived in the painful reality of mental illness in my own child. 

False Statements that Cause Great Harm

Mental illness is not real.

This statement leads me to push back with some follow up questions. 

Does this mean that every part of our body can be impacted by sickness or injury (preventing our body from functioning as designed), but our brains are somehow exempt from the fall and immune to sickness or injury (preventing the brain from functioning as designed)? No, we know from brain scans alone that the brain can become inflamed and damaged, impacting both the functions connected to our body and the functions of our mind. 

But if we reason that mental illness is a complete farce, wouldn’t that mean Autism isn’t real? Or that Dementia and Alzheimer’s aren’t real? Does that mean Parkinson’s isn’t real; and Neurological Lyme Disease isn’t real? Where is the line drawn? If one of those can affect the brain, why can’t Bi-Polar, Severe depression, ODD, ADHD, OCD, RAD, Postpartum Depression, PTSD from trauma, etc? Even if we have an issue with diagnosing symptoms, it doesn’t mean the symptoms aren’t the result of a very real problem and a very real illness or disorder. We can’t say with certainty that someone’s thoughts, actions, memories, and choices can be impacted by a disease like Alzheimer’s and Parkinson’s, but not by other conditions – even if we don’t fully understand the cause or cure. 

It’s prideful and ignorant to say that something isn’t real because we can’t see it or fully understand it. A hundred years ago, scientists may not have known that cancer was the cause of many illnesses and deaths, but advancements can now tell us definitively the existence of countless forms of cancer. Could you imagine walking up to someone dying of cancer and telling them that cancer isn’t actually a thing – it’s just a way to get sympathy and not deal with real life? 

I think we’d all agree that such a comment would be cruel to say the least. But this is exactly how countless are being made to feel who are dealing with a very real and debilitating mental illness.  

But what if we were to step back and take on a posture of humility, willing to truly listen to those who have walked these difficult roads first hand? I assure you – if you had walked into our home at any given time, you would not walk away thinking our child was just rebellious, our parenting lacked discipline, love, or biblical instruction, or that we were just looking for an excuse for our child’s verbally and physically violent episodes. 

No, you would likely be brought to tears over the agony our son was suffering at the hands of his unknown mental illness – and the layers of pain our whole family was enduring as a result. Whether he was 3 or 12, you would see a child who desperately wanted to be free from the torment of his mind. Your heart would break as you listened to him scream in desperation for God to free him from what imprisoned him. 

And his story is not as rare as you may think. The amount of families we’ve met and heard from are astronomical. Families dealing with everything from hospitalizing and sending their child to a residential program, to living through traumatic experiences that many will never fully understand, to reeling from a child whose mental illness has claimed their life. This is not a cry for attention. This is not a desire to excuse sin and not face hard things. These were not people/children struggling to handle grief well. These are people experiencing the brokenness of the world in one of the most difficult places – their mind. Be thankful this isn’t your story and I encourage you to ask God to give you compassion and a willingness to hear from those who have been called to walk this difficult and lonely road.

And friends, I ask you to consider how powerful your words can be and, if you’re of a similar opinion as John MacArthur, I ask you to humbly consider how statements like “there is no mental illness” dismiss the pain of so many who are deeply hurting – and likely hurting in isolation. Yes, like anything, we can go too far in any direction – calling every struggle a helpless illness or else dismissing illness altogether. But let’s be people marked by humility and grace. The humility to listen to the hurting and not dismiss what we don’t fully understand, and the grace to extend the comfort and compassion of Jesus as we would want others to extend to us in our time of need. 

Medication is a myth to destroy our children.

By God’s common grace, he’s given human beings the minds to create medications that can ease some of the effects of this broken world. They aren’t our savior and they aren’t perfect. But like any medical treatment, they can be a gift when truly needed and used appropriately. Are they overused? Certainly. But just like the overuse of antibiotics that were at times given for peace of mind to a patient, despite the infection being viral, we don’t dismiss medication all-together when it’s truly needed for the purpose it was made. And personally, I’m yet to meet a family who hasn’t done all they could to avoid the use of psychiatric medication for their child until it was absolutely necessary in their eyes. Few Christian parents want to put their child on a medication that often carries side effects. The majority only do so because they truly believe they have no other choice. 

It took me years to finally grasp that God had answered our prayers to help our son, but it wasn’t through the healing I was looking for. Instead, it came through the wisdom of doctors and the gift of an appropriately used medication that enabled him to function and, most importantly, stay in our home. As opposed to John MacArthur’s statement that medication will lead our children to become drug addicts or criminals, the opposite has actually been true. Our son’s illness was leading him down a path of destruction, and it was God’s grace that he provided medication that saved our son’s life. Is it perfect? No. But it has been a gift from God’s hand. John MacArthur’s words brought fresh tears to my eyes as I reflected on just how painful our road has been, and yet how lonely it still remains because of this shameful and dismissive stigma coming from within the Church – the very people who should exude humility, grace, and compassion more than anyone else. 

Church, we need to do better. And I include myself in that statement. Let’s not be like the Pharisees who went around heaping shame on God’s children and adding further burden upon them that the gospel had freed them from. Let’s be people who are willing to enter into the darkest places of people’s lives with the humility to learn, be teachable, and admit that we don’t fully understand all the complexities of this life. 

How then are we to view medication? 

As a tool. A tool isn’t always the full solution and sometimes it proves to be the wrong tool for the job. At times, using the wrong tool can even be problematic. Often, we need to take a whole tool box approach to dealing with both mental and physical health. For example, I deal with chronic illness. I can’t expect my doctor to give me one supplement or medication, or only change my diet and then expect amazing results. Often, I have to address my illness with the tools of diet change, exercise, stress management, supplementation, further tests, medication, and ultimately relying on God’s strength in my weakness. Similarly, when we’re dealing with any form of mental illness, it’s wise to take a whole tool box approach. Our son’s medication wasn’t all he needed. Diet has been important. Sleep matters. And getting physical movement is helpful for him. But medication was what enabled him to see more clearly and learn other tools to help him cope and manage his struggles with God’s help. 

And yet, medication won’t solve all things. It won’t make grief go away. It won’t make us feel better about a pattern of sin that we’re feeling conviction over and don’t want to face. It won’t make life painless. And it isn’t a replacement for doing the hard work of facing the complexities of this difficult life and learning to rely on the strength and help of Christ. 

As with all things, we need to approach the topic of medication with prayer, counsel, and discernment. And it’s wise to ask the Spirit to open our eyes to underlying issues we may need to address first. But know this – God doesn’t think less of you if you take medication. It doesn’t make you a failure and it doesn’t mean you’re faithless. You are simply a finite being living in a broken world. You would never tell someone they’re a failure or faithless for getting their broken arm casted or taking medication to attack their cancer cells. Quite the opposite. They’d be foolish to avoid getting the help available to them. Similarly, at times this will also be true about psychiatric medication when we’ve prayerfully sought counsel and are led in a direction to receive the help we or our child may need. That’s not weakness. That’s wisdom. 

Mental illness isn’t the problem. You just have to parent the right way and your kids will follow the right path.

I end with this because it extends far beyond the topic of mental illness. And I imagine it touches a nerve with every Christian parent. 

John MacArthur’s words on this topic (i.e. if you parent them properly, they’ll make the right choices.) are not only wrong theology, they’re extremely unhelpful and place a crushing burden on parent’s shoulders. I say wrong theology, not because the idea of training up a child in the Lord isn’t in the Bible – because it is (Prov. 22:6) – but because these words are written as a Proverb, not a promise. In other words, if the world worked in the way God created it before the fall, hard work would always lead to fruitfulness and faithful parenting would always lead to faithful children. But we live in a fallen world. The righteous often suffer, and the foolish often flourish. Therefore, John MacArthur is promoting a “reap what you sow” theology here. And honestly, it’s laced with the prosperity gospel. Although God does instruct us as parents to teach our children the truth of his word, discipline and train them in love, and lead them well, he never promised us that if we parent them properly, they will make the right choices and follow him. We can read every parenting book, teach our children the Bible, take them to church, and discipline and train them to the best of our ability, but we do not have the power to change or control their hearts, and we certainly don’t have the power to bring their dead heart to life. There are countless parents who have done everything “right” and their children have walked down a destructive path. And there are parents who have virtually abandoned their children and the Lord has reached his hand down and drawn those children to him, despite their lack of godly parenting. 

Do we aim to raise our children up in the truth and training of the Lord? Absolutely. We can’t abdicate our responsibility simply because we don’t control the outcome. But we also can’t save our children, no matter how hard we try. That’s the work of the Lord. 

Therefore, this kind of theology not only condemns and hurts parents who are grieving and praying over a wayward child, but takes it a step further by shaming parents who have needed to support their child with medication, as if they are condemning their child to a life of destruction as a result (ie. a drug addict or criminal). 

It reminds me of Bildad’s unhelpful words to Job in his greatest time of suffering: “Since your children sinned against him, he gave them over to their rebellion (they all died). But if you earnestly seek God and ask the Almighty for mercy, if you are pure and upright, then he will move even now on your behalf and restore the home where your righteousness dwells” (Job 8:4-6). In other words, your children died because of their sin and if only you’d pray for mercy, God would heal you and restore what you’ve lost. 

If I’ve learned anything in this life, it’s that we have far less control than we think we do. We’re finite beings who can’t begin to grasp all the mysterious ways of our infinite God. We put ourselves in the place of God when we believe that we can determine the path and outcome of our life (and in this instance, our children’s life). But this journey with our son (and my own painful journey of chronic and mental health challenges from Lyme Disease) has brought me to my knees – learning to surrender the why’s of my suffering (and my child’s) and rest in the sovereignty and goodness that Christ displayed on the Cross. Whether or not we ever fully understand the ins and outs of mental illness, whether or not our children choose to walk with the Lord, and whether or not we ever get answers to the complex questions of our sufferings, we must come back to this simple but foundational truth – “his grace is sufficient for us, for his power is made perfect in weakness” (2 Cor. 12:9). 

My hope and prayer is that whoever reads these words will know that they can come to Jesus as they are, including their feelings of shame, confusion, uncertainty, and guilt surrounding this complex topic of mental illness. We are saved by grace, and we live by grace, “for it is God who works in you, both to will and to work for his good pleasure” (Phil 2:13). You, your loved one, or your child are not defined by mental illness or others’ opinions of it. You are defined by the God of the universe, who formed you, knows you, and loves you far beyond what you can imagine. Depression doesn’t make you faithless. PTSD doesn’t mean you aren’t dealing with your grief well enough. And your child’s mental illness doesn’t make you a failure as a parent. What it does do is make you and I dependent on the Lord for every step of the way. And that brings him glory through the very thing others may look down upon. 

Be encouraged, brothers and sisters – “God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong” (1 Corinthians 1:27). Mental illness may be looked down upon and dismissed by many, but God loves to shine his glory through the weakest of his vessels. And one day, the mind and body of every child of God will be glorified and made whole. The struggle will end. The shame will be no more. And the glory of Jesus will be all the more precious to those who have suffered what many can’t comprehend.

Although our son has lived through the daily suffering of his mind for his entire life, it won’t have the final word. A while back, he stood up before our church’s congregation to be baptized and said, “God has saved me from what I couldn’t save myself, and I know that one day, even if not in this lifetime, I will be free from the brokenness of my mind and body and finally made whole.” If only the congregants knew the depth of what those words truly meant.

Praise God, whose grace is sufficient to give us a hope and a future, even when mental illness robs us of the life we long to have. One day, my friend, we will be made whole – body, mind, and soul. But until then, Jesus sees your suffering and he calls you to rest in his grace today. 

Home is around the corner, 

Sarah Walton

You connect with Sarah on Instagram here.

To read more of Sarah’s writings, you can purchase a copy of He Gives More Grace: 30 Reflections for the Ups and Downs of Motherhood, Hope When It Hurts: 30 Biblical Reflections to help you grasp God’s purpose in your suffering), Tears and Tossings (short evangelistic resource on how God carries our sorrows), or Together Through the Storms (for married couples navigating the trials of life). Lastly, you can now pre-order Sarah’s Pilgrim’s Progress inspired children’s book based on the account of the Prodigal Son, titled “The Long Road Home” (Crossway, October 8, 2024).